So
yesterday was my first official day in the classroom with the children. It was
hectic, challenging, tiring, and incredibly fun. It is amazing to me how four
hours feels like an eternity at my retail job but was over in the blink of an
eye here. The children have an incredible range of personalities which will be
really fun to see unfold throughout the semester as they grow and interact. The
most embarrassing thing that happened was me having to quietly ask another one
of the apprentice teachers the name of the child who asked me to write his name
on his drawing so I will consider that an epic success.
There are a
lot of fears you would expect teachers to have starting out – maybe the
children won’t like me, maybe the children will get hurt, maybe the children
will mutiny, maybe there will be an issue with a parent, or maybe a massive
comet will collide with the earth while these children are in my care (hey, it
could happen). But today I’m talking about the obvious, rational fears. I want
to talk about my silliest fear that while small lingered on my mind as much as,
and maybe more, than the more logical, common fears.
One of my
biggest anxieties was about singing in front of the kids and the other
teachers. You done laughing yet? I’ll wait. I know realistically 2 and 3 year
olds probably don’t care – although at that age the honesty is also pretty
brutal. And I’m sure as long as I’m not dropping f-bombs or referencing sexual
encounters I’m sure my fellow teachers don’t care either. As long as glass
isn’t shattering and the children’s ears aren’t bleeding everyone should be
happy. Yet still it makes me nervous. I started going to church again at the
beginning of last semester and just know feel mostly comfortable singing in
church. Softly.
 |
| This is actually still exponentially better than the reaction I image in my mind. |
I was
prepared to face this ridiculous fear eventually. Like halfway through the
semester when it was required. But I surprised myself and volunteered to sing
the kids “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” while they were playing in the toy boat
outside – and they liked it! I didn’t have to write an injury reports for broken
eardrums and no children ran away, dare I say they even enjoyed it and I did
too. The whole thing is a big
reassurance to me that the anxieties will fade and the enjoyment will flourish.
I have to
also say I am so, so grateful for my fellow apprentice teacher. She has more
experience than me, both in general and with these children, and was a godsend
to me yesterday. When the first child who arrived broke a glass container for
crayons she immediately said it was okay and took care of it, which seems minor
but it really set the tone that things will happen and we don’t worry, we move
on and keep going with the day. Many times during the day when I felt anxious,
like when the child in my lap burst into tears because she didn’t get to hold
the felt duck, I would look to her and she would just give me a reassuring
smile and shake her head to say “its no big deal”. Both her and our lead
teacher gently reminded me on what I should be doing and it really was a good
experience, I do feel really supported and comfortable with these people.
Which is
really nice because I already have to write a language and literacy activity plan
to do with the children in the coming week. I also took over a friend’s
afternoon shift two days a week so now I will be getting to know a new, older
group of children that I will have to do weekly activity plans with. Remember
what I said about taking on tasks feeling invincible and then getting anxious
later? I did it again. I’m getting somewhat anxious now but already feeling
more confident than I was a week ago so I’m getting excited. I’ll update on
that experience tomorrow.
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